Thoughts on the phrase "Merry Christmas"

This morning I heard a newscaster say "Merry Christmas" to Laura Bush, who was showing off the White House decorations. "Merry Christmas," Mrs. Bush said back. Neither woman was smiling, and neither seemed sincere. It was so trite, I decided to sit down and write this post about the phrase.

I have always wondered about this phrase: "Merry Christmas." I used to think that people really meant that they were bestowing the hope for a great day on the recipient, but, in fact, the term "Merry Christmas" is most often used with no feeling behind it at all. The term "Merry Christmas" is used as a trite phrase like "how are you?" where you're not really supposed to think about the sentiment, at all.

A woman finds out that she has cancer. It's the holidays. "Merry Christmas" says the nurse, even though it's clear that this lady isn't likely to have a happy holiday at all. A man finds out that he's lost his job. "Merry Christmas" says his co-worker as he's packing up to leave. It isn't going to be that merry without a paycheck coming in anymore. The checkout girl at the local market says "Merry Christmas" but she never even looks up.

As a non-Christian, I never felt comfortable saying "Merry Christmas" and always used "Happy Holidays," but that's not much better, actually. As far as I can tell, the only part of the population that really thinks that the holidays are happy, are children.

This year, I'm wishing everyone love, success and happiness. Hopefully, all three will stick.

love, success and happiness to you this holiday season

ALISON

Happy Thanksgiving

It is Thanksgiving morning. It's cold and it's raining. The rest of my family is still asleep, but obviously, I'm not (because I'm writing this).

Thanksgiving, for me, is the ultimate start of the holiday rush. I'm sure it is for many of you as well. When I was younger, I remember the "old folks" telling me that the holidays were really about getting family together, and that the rest of the "stuff" surrounding the holidays were really just enjoyed by children. As a child, I couldn't believe that. I mean, who doesn't love getting presents and enjoying meals the size of shipyars? I didn't realize, back then, that all the presents and food and gathering of families and so forth meant weeks of preparation, and tons of effort to pull it all off. And, as a child, I really didn't care much about family dynamics.

A few years before my twin sister's untimely and tragic death, she and I began to have a tug of war about where we would gather (what was left) of our family, for Thanksgiving and New Years Eve. These were the two holidays that meant to most to us as children, and therefore, as adults, too. She lived more than five hours away by car which meant one of us (with husband in tow) would have to suffer the expense, inconvenience, and indignity of traveling and sleeping in unfamiliar and usually uncomfortable, surroundings. Since I lived near my parents, while my mother was still alive, that meant that my sister was the one to travel to us. I understood her irritation, but it didn't make sense to transport all of us to see just her and her husband. When my mother died, apparently, that seemed to level the playing field for her. My husband, father, and I flew to see her (once--never again!) and drove down once or twice. I resented it, but at least I didn't have to deal with creating a Thanksgiving feast and putting up guests. We managed to find an equitable way to deal with New Years Eve--we met in the middle.

Then my sister died and my father became incapacitated. Suddenly, my husband and I found ourselves literally alone, without family. At first, it seemed like a burden had been lifted, but after the first year, when we "celebrated" alone, it seemed empty and sad. We made a show of Thansgiving with my husband's sister and brother in law, but their idea of Thanksgiving was not a small, family celebration, but a huge group of people that we didn't know and who didn't even make a show of talking to us. So we sat there, silently for the most part. That made us feel even worse.

Then, once year, a friend of mine that I've known since first grade asked us to travel to Memphis with him and his wife to enjoy a new kind of Thanksgiving: one where we ate barbeque and listened to the blues. We have since traveled with them (on Thanksgiving and other times) and enjoyed ourselves a great deal. In a wierd way, we've created another type of Thanksgiving with these wonderful people, and they have become a part of the family we've lost. I wouldn't say they replace family, but they are part of our new tradition and a welcome part of our lives.

I don't miss the petty bickering about the holidays, but I do miss my sister --and even more strongly now that the holidays are beginning. Thanksgiving is a time to be grateful as well as, perhaps, nostalgic. I'm grateful that I'm still alive, to remember family of times' past, and especially my sister. I'm grateful that I'm able to keep the advicesisters spirit, alive. I'm grateful for the family I have that is left, even if I don't see them that often. I'm hoping that they feel the same about me. But I'm also grateful for my friends and my soft and furry cats--and you, my advicesisters readers and fans. They (and you) are the ones that keep me going on a daily basis.

For me, the holidays are now about being appreciative of what you have, no matter how big or small. I hope you are grateful for something wonderful this Thanksgiving. If you are, feel free to leave a comment and share it!

Happy Thankgiving to all.

alison

Feeling SAD

As I child, I couldn't get out of bed in the mornings when the days got shorter and colder. It was almost as if I was hibernating from Daylight Savings Time, to April. My room had beautiful, but leaky, French windows and there was always a dusting of frost on them. The room was so cold that I learned to sleep without moving too much. When I woke up the only part of my body that was exposed was my face, and I remember not having any feeling in my nose!

I doubt our house was really that cold, but I have always been sensitive to it. I didn't think about it back then, but being cold and sensitive to dark days runs in the family. My father would be wearing a sweater in July, when everyone else was wearing short-sleeved shirts. He tended to be sleepy all Winter. I just thought he was tired, but as I got older, I found myself wearing Winter coats longer than anyone else on the street and sleeping longer in the winter too.

But that’s not what the topic of this post is really about. It’s about Seasonal affective disorder, also known as SAD. Before it was suggested as an actual disorder by Dr. Norman Rosenthal in 1984, it was assumed that people who felt depressed and sluggish in the darker months of the year were just faking it. Dr. Rosenthal noticed that he had these symptoms when he moved from a sunny South Africa to cold and dark, New York. He began experimenting with exposure to artificial light and began to see that this could make a difference. People who suffer from SAD find themselves, literally "hibernating" when the weather is cold and dark. They often feel sluggish, depressed and they may even gain weight. When I read about this some years ago, I realized that I probably had SAD, too. I bought a light box and it is somewhat helpful. But not as much as full sun exposure in a warm place like the Caribbean or Mexico (preferably with a frosty pina colada in hand)! You can’t use just any bright light, you need one that is close to what natural sunlight would produce, and it has to be many times brighter than normal office (a dose of 10,000 lux, used for 30-60 minutes daily. You have to be close to the light box, but not staring directly at it. I normally turn it on when I’m typing, as I’m doing now . Use in the morning has been suggested to mimic the effects of normal dawn, which is supposed to be more helpful, so that’s when I try to use it. You’re supposed to use it every day, but I have found that if I use it when I’m feeling particularly lethargic, it gives me a boost for a few days.

There are several theories about why people get SAD, but without going into a lot of technical description, researchers still don’t know why some people are so susceptible to the "Winter Blues." If you’re feeling sluggish and perhaps, a bit depressed, it might be due to way the media hypes happy holidays on television, along with the pressure to feel a joy about the holidays you don’t’ really believe in. It might be the fact that you miss wearing shorts, and seeing the flowers bloom and the trees full of green elaves, or, you might just be feeling the effects of SAD.

The Advice Sisters? ENews Issue #6, Fall into the Holidays 2006

The Advice Sisters ENews Issue #6, Fall into the Holidays 2006 is now in the In-boxes of nearly 4,000 subscribers. You can get this free, bi-monthly treat deliverered to your In box as well, simply by filling out the form at: http://www.advicesisters.net/thankyou.html

Here's what Enews readers will see this month:

* What's New From The Advice Sisters?

* Advice Sisters LifeTips - Travel Savvy for the Holidays and Beyond

* New York Insider - The Advice Sisters "About Town"

* The Advice Sisters Book Reviews-Holiday Gift Suggestions: Angels In The Wilderness, by Amy Racina, A Christmas Caroline by Kyle Smith, Party Confidential by Lara Shriftman & Elizabeth Harrison, The Everything Dating Book 2nd Edition, Meet New People And Find Your Perfect Match! by Alison Blackman Dunham, It's Never Too Late To Look Hot by Heather Estay


CONTEST ENDING SOON: The Devil (and You) Wear Prada contest ends December 31, 2006: We are giving away 5 fantastic collections of ultra-luxe beauty products (including some of the actual products and colors used by makeup artists in the Devil Wears Prada movie or closely inspired by it) courtesy of the Z. Bigatti, Christian Dior, and BeneFit Cosmetics. For more information about all the prizes and the contest rules, go to: http://www.advicesisters.net/devil1.html

"WHAT WORKS" COSMETICS, BEAUTY & FASHION REVIEW, NOVEMBER 2006 and DECEMBER/HOLIDAY 2006: The Advice Sisters "What Works" beauty, cosmetics & fashion review column for November http://www.advicesisters.net/whatworkscol3.html is up, with tons of products and ideas to help you breeze through Fall, into the Holiday season.
*it's not too late to subscribe today and get this Enews complete to you in-box. Please join US!http://www.advicesisters.net/thankyou.html

NEW ARTICLE: As a society, we have become upon our various, portable, electronic devices. If you doubt this, try finding a pay phone these days! Although cell phones and other portable electronic devices connect us to the outside world, they can also alienate us. And, who hasn't been irritated by someone else using one of these gadgets? Read Electronics Devices Etiquette http://www.advicesisters.net/eletronicsetiquette.html. to get a handle on the Do's and Dont's of dealing with these devices.

HAVE FUN ON OUR FORUMS: Do you have a favorite product? Be a beauty reviewer and share your thoughts on our Forums at: http://advicesisters.net/phpbb2/index.php Participate...it's fun and it's free!

Advice Sisters LifeTIps - Travel Savvy for the Holidays, and Beyond: Travel can be stressful, but more of us than ever will be taking trains, planes, ships and cars in the next couple of weeks. Here are a few, easy tips to make travel easier, safer, and less frustrating.

New York Insider - The Advice Sisters "About Town" October and November were busy months! Here are just a few of the events I've attended since the last Enews:

Book Reviews (Best Gifts for the Holidays) Books are great "best friends" to get any time of the year and they also make great gifts. Here are my picks for new, note-able books that should satisfy a variety of interests:

Don't you wish you had the entire thing? There is still time to subscribe to this free Enews and get this entire issue. Go to http://www.advicesisters.net/thankyou.html and fill our the form. JOIN US!

Last night I had cocktails with Sarah Jessica Parker (re: Laura Mercier's Book Event)

Last night I had cocktails with Sarah Jessica Parker.

Well, I didn't exactly have a drink and share confidences with the actress, but I was in the same room with her for the same reason: celebrating the launch of a new book by Laura Mercier, The New Beauty Secrets: Your Ultimate Guide to a Flawless Face (Simon & Schuster). Laura Mercier is a fantastic makeup artist and the creator of one of my all-time favorite makeup lines. Apparently, SJP had written the introduction to the book for Mercier. Certainly, she was the big draw for the roomfull of fashionistas who braved a very rainy night to be at elegant Bergdorf Goodman for the cocktail event.

It was my friend's birthday, and she loves Sarah Jessica Parker (as do I) so I invited her to come along. We sipped nice champagne and nibbled little treats, until the flashbulbs starting popping for SJP's arrival. There she was in person: smiling, delicate, and quite beautiful. She was dressed in in Alexander McQueen: a full black skirt and a very form fitting grey scopped neck top, encircled with a very wide black belt that made her waist look positively diminutive as if it had been cinched in with a Victorian corset. I loved her bib-like necklace that was sort of like a chain mail glowing with sparkling coppery crystals that glittered in the candlelight. Her hair was in a sleek ponytail without a hint of frizz (her favorite hairdresser, Serge Normant was there and obviously she hadn't been walking in the rain and wind as my friend and I had). I caught her in a corner sitting alongside her publicist, checking out the book, but I didn't want to disturb her because I'm sure she is continually mobbed..so I just slipped my card to her publicist and went back to drinking champagne!

The room was filled with beautiful people predominantly dressed completely in black, with perfect hair (does no one walk or go outside at all?). It was simply, elegant, and delightful. I, by contrast, had been buffeted by the wind and soaked by the rain. I looked frizzy and not terribly elegant...but I didn't care--I was happy to be there.

And, as to the book which I had hoped to see along with Laura mercier, I didn't get a chance to really check either, out, but I did take a peek at a stack on a table. The book is an oversized format with glossy photos and, hopefully, some "beauty secrets" from Laura Mercier, whose makeup The Advice Sisters have reviewed, and loved, for years. I hope to be reviewing the book in my What Works Cosmetics, Beauty and Fashion Review Column for December, so watch for it. Also, I'll be reviewing the book in my subscription Enews. It's free, so if you want a copy, visit http://www.advicesisters.net/thankyou.html and fill out the form completely!

Did They Really Want Us To Vote?

If you watch the news, listen to the radio, read a newspapear, listen to a podcast, etc. you know that yesterday was election day.

Personally, I think politics is a dull and dirty business that keeps a lot of people employed in a well-oiled machine that seemingly, cannot be disturbed. I didn't feel inspired by any of the candidates--at least those I could really get a "read" on about their issues.

In my view, a good politician is a retired one! My husband didn't even want to go and vote, but the ability to vote is a basic freedom in America, and I feel it is important to exercise that right. So off we went to the poll.

The first problem was finding out where to vote. I've lived (and voted) in my neighborhood for nearly 30 years. In all that time, the polling place has been the same, a few short blocks away. The polling place we had to go to is now a ten minute walk away, somewhere in a public school. It was a nice day, so my husband and I figured we'd go together to vote, and then get lunch--make it sort of a social occasion for the two of us.

When we got to the school, there were a few signs around a few lampposts indicating that voting would be taking place...somewhere. A lone pamphleteer--a worker from the Socialist Workers Party, was standing on the corner. I don't think she knew where the voting booths were located, but she knew that they were somewhere, close by.

Being educated people, we figured out that we had to cross an empty, fenced-in area, and walk down a long ramp to a closed door without any signage. We pushed it open. The long hallway we encountered looked like the inside of a bomb shelter (it probably was a bomb shelter). Smart people as we are, we figured out we'd just walk until we saw someone or heard a noise. We made a left and there it was--the voting booths!

The man at the first desk was in charge of making sure we got to the right district's booth. He felt sure he knew, then called us back to check again...then again. Finally, we were standing in front of the right polling place. The woman in charge of checking my name, began. She couldn't get it right. Black? Bleckmer? No, I said, it's Blackman, Black...and man. She began looking through the alphabetical list of names under BI....then BA....No, I said again, it's BLackman, try BL. After finally figuring out how to find MY name, she began again with my husband's name...taking about four minutes to find it. Luckily (for us, anyway) there was no one in the place, even though it was lunchtime and should have been fairly crowded. I shudder to think what the wait time would have been if there really were enough interested people to vote.

We voted, reluctantly...and instead of the usual and cheerful "thanks for voting today" we got blank stares...but at least we felt that we had done our civic duty.

But later, I wondered: the process was did they really want people to vote in this election? The process was lengthy and relatively inconvenient and somewhat unpleasant, and we really didnt' feel excited to elect any of the people on the ballot. I am sure that many people said "why bother?"

I am wondering if our experience was unique, or if anyone reading this had a similar experience.

Did they REALLY want you to vote, or is the system designed to keep you away?