My first Audio Blog Podcast!

Advice Sisters News-Singles Podcast!

I thought you might like to know that I've recently been a guest on the Single Living Podcast, hosted by Rich Gosse, promoting my latest book-The Everything Dating Book 2nd Edition and talking about finding love over age 35. If you'd like to listen to it either on your MP3 player, or just on your computer, click here: http://www.singlespodcastingnetwork.com/
Please come back and leave a comment if you liked it, didn't like it, agreed with it, disagreed with it....!

Thanks

ALISON

trip, trip...hooray?

Did you ever notice that when you're getting ready to take a vacation, everything goes wrong? The project that was put on hold suddenly needs your input. The cat starts throwing up even though she hasn't done that since she was a kitten (and that was six years ago). Your parents suddenly decide to throw a family reunion because grandma isn't getting any younger, and they are pushing you to attend....and so on.

Right before a vacation, I seem to wake up in the middle of the night and wonder just where I put that peach bathing suit I bought on sale at the end of the season. I don't know why I feel the need to obsess about where I stored it at 4AM, but there it is, swirling around in my mind, along with a huge "to do before I go" list that I know I won't remember in the morning. I'm too awake not to think about it, but too tired to actually get up and write it down so I might actually have the experience of doing something productive in the week hours of the morning.

The car service won't come. The cat sitter is suddenly busy. I forgot to empty the fridge and put all the valuables away. My father wants to know when I'm coming to see him, even though I told him a gazillion times that I was going away. He gets petulant. I get annoyed.

Finally, we get on the road...bags packed, tickets in hand. The stress doesn't end there, however. The road to the airport has an accident and is closed. The detour takes a humogous amount of time and now we're running to the terminal. The line to check in, then get through security is huge. We finally make it with seconds to spare, sink into our seats and....the row in back of us has a mom and two toddlers, both of whom are playing with eletronic toys that go "burp!" and "moo" and "wheeee,whaaahhh." The mom is encouraging this. We are doomed.

Two vodkas and a headset later, we're finally at our destination. Sometimes I wonder if it might just be more relaxing to stay home and keep up the regular routine. Sometimes, I wonder why it's called "vacation.' It should be called .....(fill in the blank with your comments, please)!

The Looking for Love Award Winners (amazingly funny but true)

These are funny (but totally real) responses I gathered while doing research for my latest book, the Everything Dating Book 2nd Edition (Adams Media, 2005). For more info on the book, please visit my web site http://www.advicesisters.net or your favorite bookstore! Here are the top "winners" in their categories, ha, ha. *I have edited out identifying material out of consideration for the posters, but they are absolutely 100% genuine posts! Can you believe these????

(The spelling bee champ): I would like to meet a kind thoughtful woman who has a sense of humor. I want a person who can seperate the forest from the trees. I also want to meet someone who likes sports and is not afarid to sweat on a baketball or tennis court.

(the toot-my-own-horn award winner): I can be a lot of fun when I am not being boring. I'm just a single guy looking for a woman that hasn't been abused and isn't into tough guys. I'm not a muscle-head- chocolate is my friend- I just maintain what I have 2 or three times a week.

(the "you're never too old" award winner) I like a gril ew talk thng over. I hope we had same religion. I would you will send a pictuer of you. I will send email to. *this guy says he is 94 (could he have meant he is actually "nine?") but I'll cut him some slack for either being a bit illiterate, or not being able to type well on a computer

(The curmudgeon of the year, award winner): About Me no i'm happy First Date Movies is a no. Possibly a dinner out at a nice resturant or just sit and talk at Starbucks is also nice.

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

Someone sent me these and I thought they were funny. Hope they add a smile to your day!


Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Writers and editors who lunch

There have been weeks this Winter when I barely left the house, so this month I've been trying to get out more.

I attended a lunch at Ammos, a Greek seafood restaurant near Grand Central Station (52 Vanderbilt Avenue, to be exact) for a new product launch from Christo. I met Christo backstage at the Yeohlee show for Olympus Fall Fashion Week, and was immediately captivated by his charm, expertise and sincerity. When his publicist sent me the invitation, my immediate answer was "sure!"

I held the door for an elderly man who was walking in behind me, but just as I was about to let go of the door, I heard a thud, and a loud "S..t!" He had fallen and was sprawled out over the transom. I had the door in my hand and a tote bag. If I tried to bend down the door would have closed on his head, so I stood there waiting for him to get up. Luckily, the coat check/hostess woman came over and helped him dust himself off and he wasn't really hurt, thank heavens.

Heaving a sigh of relief, I went upstairs to where the lunch was supposed to be. I met my PR contact (a delightful woman) and said hello to Christo, who probably didn't remember me, but gave me a warm greeting. There was only one other woman there right on time, and she worked for a woman's magazine. The product of a doctor and a college professor, I'm NEVER late. I'd rather be twenty minutes early, and two minutes late. We all sat around, a bit uneasily, waiting for some others to show up. I didn't realize that it was going to be a formal lunch...thank heavens I had left two hours open.

One by one the editors showed up, but it was a small group. The lunch was amazing! Christo's brother owns the restaurant and obviously pulled out all the stops to make us go "wow!" which we did. From the beginning to the home made yoghurt with pistachio nuts and honey at the end, fueled with great wine, this was an easy assignment.

Christo's speciality is curly and wavy hair. His marketing manager was present, and her hair fell in graceful curls and she looked amazing! The product we came to investigate, however, is Christo's new, anti-aging treatment that the Christo Fifth Avenue Salon literally "cooks" up and puts in the fridge for a night, before it is used on a client. Combined, all of the ingredients allow healthy hair growth right at the follicle and also repairs dead ends with frizz fighting strength. We each got a sample to try at home, but I haven't tried mine yet because I've been running around all week.

Thanks, Christo!

Later in the week, I forced myself to attend one of Laurel Touby's mediabistro parties--this one supposedly for online media. I remember when Laurel started out, and would hold these incredible (and huge) networking mixers in lofts and other unique places. You could spot her because she wore a trademark feather boa. But Laurel is now a company (mediabistro) and she has others hosting parties for her, so they lack the same intimacy and charm the once had. When I walked into Slate, a bar in the 20's, I was right behind a man who took one look at me, decided I wasn't young or cute enough for him, and refused to make small talk while we waited to check in at the desk. As it turned out though, I was given a green armband for the wrong party! But the green armband crowd's party was featuring free drinks! I'm dieting, and I also reminded myself that I was there to network not to party, so I reluctantly stayed upstairs, trying to break into the small groups of people standing around, chatting. I am not good at this, and I really hate it. I did stay about an hour and I met one or two interesting people, but only one other writer, and HE was looking for job contacts. The majority of the group appeared to be heavily slanted toward online marketing and they were looking for buyers. I do not buy that type of service, and so after about an hour, I went downstairs, actually accepted a free seltzer (awww, it's true...and the one thing I could've had cosmos for free I didn't accept) and then wandered out, congratulating myself for staying an hour.

I really am trying to do more interesting things about town, and I'll report them to you.

Writers and editors who lunch

There have been weeks this Winter when I barely left the house, so this month I've been trying to get out more.

I attended a lunch at Ammos, a Greek seafood restaurant near Grand Central Station (52 Vanderbilt Avenue, to be exact) for a new product launch from Christo. I met Christo backstage at the Yeohlee show for Olympus Fall Fashion Week, and was immediately captivated by his charm, expertise and sincerity. When his publicist sent me the invitation, my immediate answer was "sure!"

I held the door for an elderly man who was walking in behind me, but just as I was about to let go of the door, I heard a thud, and a loud "S..t!" He had fallen and was sprawled out over the transom. I had the door in my hand and a tote bag. If I tried to bend down the door would have closed on his head, so I stood there waiting for him to get up. Luckily, the coat check/hostess woman came over and helped him dust himself off and he wasn't really hurt, thank heavens.

Heaving a sigh of relief, I went upstairs to where the lunch was supposed to be. I met my PR contact (a delightful woman) and said hello to Christo, who probably didn't remember me, but gave me a warm greeting. There was only one other woman there right on time, and she worked for a woman's magazine. The product of a doctor and a college professor, I'm NEVER late. I'd rather be twenty minutes early, and two minutes late. We all sat around, a bit uneasily, waiting for some others to show up. I didn't realize that it was going to be a formal lunch...thank heavens I had left two hours open.

One by one the editors showed up, but it was a small group. The lunch was amazing! Christo's brother owns the restaurant and obviously pulled out all the stops to make us go "wow!" which we did. From the beginning to the home made yoghurt with pistachio nuts and honey at the end, fueled with great wine, this was an easy assignment.

Christo's speciality is curly and wavy hair. His marketing manager was present, and her hair fell in graceful curls and she looked amazing! The product we came to investigate, however, is Christo's new, anti-aging treatment that the Christo Fifth Avenue Salon literally "cooks" up and puts in the fridge for a night, before it is used on a client. Combined, all of the ingredients allow healthy hair growth right at the follicle and also repairs dead ends with frizz fighting strength. We each got a sample to try at home, but I haven't tried mine yet because I've been running around all week.

Thanks, Christo!

Later in the week, I forced myself to attend one of Laurel Touby's mediabistro parties--this one supposedly for online media. I remember when Laurel started out, and would hold these incredible (and huge) networking mixers in lofts and other unique places. You could spot her because she wore a trademark feather boa. But Laurel is now a company (mediabistro) and she has others hosting parties for her, so they lack the same intimacy and charm the once had. When I walked into Slate, a bar in the 20's, I was right behind a man who took one look at me, decided I wasn't young or cute enough for him, and refused to make small talk while we waited to check in at the desk. As it turned out though, I was given a green armband for the wrong party! But the green armband crowd's party was featuring free drinks! I'm dieting, and I also reminded myself that I was there to network not to party, so I reluctantly stayed upstairs, trying to break into the small groups of people standing around, chatting. I am not good at this, and I really hate it. I did stay about an hour and I met one or two interesting people, but only one other writer, and HE was looking for job contacts. The majority of the group appeared to be heavily slanted toward online marketing and they were looking for buyers. I do not buy that type of service, and so after about an hour, I went downstairs, actually accepted a free seltzer (awww, it's true...and the one thing I could've had cosmos for free I didn't accept) and then wandered out, congratulating myself for staying an hour.

I really am trying to do more interesting things about town, and I'll report them to you.

Wow, the past two weeks have been really busy. I attended a lunch for the launch of a new anti-aging product for hair from Curlisto, and also a mediabistro event for online media. Gotta run, but I'll try to post something today (later).

Meanwhile, I'm assuming these are in the public domain, and they made me laugh, so perhaps they'll do the same for you. A smile is the best beautifier on the planet, and laughing is great for your health!

Here are (supposed) quotes from our court system:

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.______________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he live d with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years._____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?__________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one..________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a Deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on Dead people?WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you goto?
WITNESS: Oral.______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.A
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you checkfor A pulse?WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when You began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive andpracticing law.

*my understanding is that these have been widely disseminated but that they are are from a book called: Disorder in the Courts of America, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down by court reporters. There are two of these, so I don't know if it's from the one by Charles M. Sevilla (Paperback - Aug 1, 1999) or the one by by Richard Lederer (Paperback - April 30, 1996).

ALISON'S LATEST NEWS

NEWS: I have been a guest on not one, but two podcasts this week, so now you can hear me as well as read my advice. The first one, for the SinglesPodcastingNetwork, hosted by American Singles founder Rich Gosse, is being edited and should be ready for downloading to an IPOD or other MP3Player in a week or so (or you can click on the link I'll be adding to the Advice Sisters Web Site home page and listen through your computer).

The second one is an on-the-fly interview with Lesley Scott, Editor in Chief of Fashiontribes.com (a great site, by the way if you don't know it). The fashiontribes.com Podcast is un-rehearsed and un-edited and it's fairly long, but you can also check out the blog version: "Life, Career & Image Expert Alison Blackman Dunham - of the Advice Sisters - Dishes on Timeless Style, Beauty Secrets, Makeup to Avoid Like Your Life Depended on it - & why Groundhog Day Rocks"

*I don't get a lot of comments here, but please...do me a favor? If you listen to these podcasts please come back here and let me know how you like them? Or, use our contact form:http://www.advicesisters.net/thankyou.html


I have also added two new features to the Advice Sisters Web Site bulletin boards. The first, "Beauty Central," http://advicesisters.net/phpbb2/index.php is a place for readers, to put their own reviews of products they love and products they don't. It's also a place for readers to swap items, give and get beauty and fashion advice, and connect with one another. The second new forum is a "source for stories" bulletin board. If you are seeking someone to share a story on a specific subject for a story you're doing as a writer or researcher, or you are seeking some publicity, you can post your requests there. Both boards are free services and all I ask is that you do not spam or abuse the boards. Thank you in advance for your consideration!


Finally, finally....after getting the royal shaft by my service provider who shall remain nameless, but doesn't really deserve that courtesy after nearly destroying the work I've done online for more than 14 years and extorting literally hundreds of dollars from me, I'm attempting to start up the Advice Sisters Enews ezine again. This is the bi-monthly zine I also send out at my own time and effort to let my readers and supporters know what is happening on the Advice Sisters Web Site, and also offers short articles, tips, and links that help make life easier, more successful, and more fun. It is free, but by subscription only and you must sign up for it, yourself. Here is the url: http://www.advicesisters.net/thankyou.html

After having my web site and domain name pulled from my ISP for sending this free zine to someone who apparently claimed s/he didn't want it, I have still not recovered financially or in terms of my online presence. Still, so many people do subscribe (over 1,000) and they do deserve to get this free missive from me. I hope you like it, too.